The Big Lie About Asking For Help

Mike sat across from me, stumped by the hypothetical situation I’d put him in.

He’d had ZERO trouble with all the previous situations I’d presented.

“Someone important to you needs care. You think…” How can I help? What do I have to reschedule to make it happen?

“You’re late and there’s an accident. You think…” I wonder if everyone is ok. I’d probably pull over & see if I could help.

“Your schedule is full. You think…” I have to figure out how to make time with my kids a priority.

But the last two situations were killers for Mike. He was scratching his head, struggling.

“You put your own needs first. You think…” Oh, Jen. That’s tough. I don’t know…

“You require assistance or help. You think…” Oh, no. This is a hard one. I probably wouldn’t ask for help. I’d just get it done.

It literally does not occur to Mike to ask for help. He never thinks about what his needs are. He is so outwardly focused on caring for other people that his own needs are often unmet.

Actually, he didn’t know what his needs were! When I asked him what he really wanted, it took him a few minutes to wrap his head around the question. “I guess I never really think about what I want.”

We talked about a thought his brain plays over and over, the one that keeps him so entirely focused on everyone else’s needs: My job is to help others.

This thought is a script – an automatic thought –  he lives by. It has become his reflex to give, to help, to assist, without hesitation.
In our coaching session, Mike realized what he did want something! Three things, in fact.

  • To grow his side business.
  • To spend more time with his kids.
  • To attend to his health.

Sometimes, to get what we need & want, we need help from others. In small ways. Or big ways. But we usually need some kind of help.

As usual, I asked an uncomfortable question: “How is the thought It’s my job to help others keeping you from getting what you want?

Another stumper.

Hmph! I never thought of it that way, he said.

The big lie about receiving help is that it makes us weak.

You know what makes us weak? Staying stuck. Not getting that thing you want.

And refusing help – big or small – was keeping Mike stuck.

And he realized that it very much keeps him in constant motion, busy, tired, & overwhelmed.

I asked, “What if you took a breath before saying ‘no’ to someone’s offer to help? What if you practiced a new thought?: When I say yes to help, I am able to help others better?

Ohhhh! I like that, he said.

What if you asked for help when you needed it?

  • How could your life change?
  • How could you get more of what you want?
  • How could you helping yourself make you better for everyone else?

Ready to explore? Let’s go!  Need help? Reach out! {Bwahahaha! See the #irony here!?}

Seriously. You can do this. I’m right here.

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