I watched the blood bubble form on my right index finger. Time slowed down.
Should I throw the needle away and pretend none of this happened?
Go to Public Safety and report the incident?
The Universe has a way of whispering to us, tapping us on our shoulders, shoving us against the wall, and – when we refuse to listen – dropping the piano on our head.
Getting pricked with a random needle sitting on a desk was certainly in the realm of getting a piano dropped on my head.
Here’s the quick & dirty version: I’d gone into the
library to GSD. Get. Stuff. Done.
At a quiet desk in the waaaaayyyyy back.
There was a Lego sword on the desk, which I picked up, curious. “Jack would LOVE this!”, I thought.
It was not a Lego sword. It was a needle – and it pricked my index finger.
Obviously, there was no more GSD. There was panic, fear, and confusion instead.
I went to campus Public Safety and the nurse. Neither were soothing or helpful.
Driving myself out of campus on the way to the ER, I repeatedly asked myself, “Why did this happen? What am I supposed to learn?”
No answer showed up. I kept asking, in my head and out loud – alone – in my car.
I called my best friend and asked her.
She said, “Hm. Well, what are you picking up that isn’t yours?”
BOOM. There it was.
I was picking up all the things that weren’t mine. I was overloaded, overwhelmed, and overwrought. I didn’t see how I could extricate myself from a situation that wasn’t serving me anymore.
I was exhausted, crispy, and felt dead inside.
I knew I’d needed to get out of it for months now, but I didn’t know how.
The universe had been whispering to me, but I didn’t want to hear it.
The universe had knocked me against the wall a few times, but I dusted myself off and ignored it.
Now, the piano had been dropped on my head.
- How could I extricate myself from a situation that wasn’t serving me anymore?
- From a situation that made me feel anxious, exhausted, angry, and hopeless?
It’s a long story, and I won’t share it all here – I’ll get to the point.
1. The first thing I did for myself in this situation was asking the right question: What am I supposed to learn from this?
2. The second thing I did was get quiet, listening to what answers showed up. And what showed up was that I needed a big, BIG change.
3. After acknowledging that this was true – I did need a big change – things got tougher. I had to figure out the HOW.
I went to work on that. And I needed help to do it.
I had a friend sit with me for hours, quietly asking questions, reframing ideas, helping me overcome objections, helping me see new perspectives.
My thoughts were keeping me stuck. I’d had no idea.
She was a meditation coach, and she changed my life. I didn’t even know how badly I needed a change until that morning I spent with her.
If I hadn’t reached out to her, the journey would’ve been so much tougher, longer, and more desperate.
I might still be in that situation. I might still be dead inside.
I might still be irritable, crispy, desperate – without seeing a way out.
I am grateful to that needle. No one has any idea why it was there. The college nurses & nursing students don’t use those types of needles to take blood.
It wasn’t a hypodermic (and wasn’t dirty). Nothing was transmitted to me, though I did need to pay for a v.e.r.y. expensive round of prophylactic drugs to prevent HIV/AIDS/Hepatitis.
If I hadn’t picked up the needle, I don’t know how I would’ve extricated myself from the vortex I was stuck in.
I knew I was unhappy – I’d known for months! But I was terrified and mystified about how to solve for unhappy.
We all get there at some point: overwhelmed, overwrought, confused, exhausted, unhappy, etc.etc.etc.
And we can get out of the situation: we must listen to what our brains and bodies are telling us.
And we might need a friend, counselor, therapist, or coach to help us see the way out. (I did, for sure.)
If you are ready to help yourself, start with asking your brain, “What is the lesson here for me?”
Then ask it, “What do I want?”
Listen. Listen. Listen. Think. Write. Talk. Listen more.
Then ask, “How do I get it?”
And if you need a little help, reach out.
But if you’ve been DIYing for a little while and