When is a shitty situation the better choice to make?

Ever have a situation so heavy that it was…HOPELESS?

A client who’d been doing SO great messaged me! She’d met all her goals, managed her mindset, moved forward…

Then went back to her hard job. Which she mostly loves. And is good at. But she’s feeling a little oppressed by it. Disheartened & exhausted.

Here’s where her brain is: “There isn’t a moment where I’m not thinking or stressing about all my work-related responsibilities. It’s taking away from my personal & family joy.

“BUT I don’t have a BIG IDEA! I’m not an entrepreneur. I can’t leave this job. I don’t feel like I can take a big risk anyway – given my access to healthcare insurance and salary!

“But I’M DYING! Do you think I’m help-able? I feel lost & don’t know what else is out there for me!

“Am I hopeless?” OMG. Who among us HASN’T been here?

Feeling hopeless – about your job, your relationship, health, body, current situation?

Hopeless thoughts are HEAVY. They are BIG mother effers.

It’s easy to believe in those moments that there will never be anything else. That it’ll always be this way.

Now, I know this is temporary. I know she can have whatever she wants, but her brain can’t see it right now because it’s stuck in a hellish, endless loop.

Her brain isn’t helping her solve the problem or move forward. It’s keeping her safe in a situation she knows, efficiently thinking the same thoughts over & over.

Bullshit positivity and empty promises are not what she needs…our brains are smarter than that. It flicks those thoughts away, laughing at us.

But I know we need to move TOWARD positive thoughts because they calm our brain down. That helps us solve problems and get us un-stuck!

Negative thinking – no matter where it comes from – pulls us down & keeps us stuck.

She didn’t need an “everything will be OK” message from me. She needed something helpful.

Want to help yourself?

1. Validate your current situation:

Sometimes you just need to hear…Fuckety fuck! Your line of work is SOOOO brutal. We are taught to believe that’s all there is for us. It’s a lack mindset – like golden handcuffs that keep us stuck in fear.

2. Offer support:

Yes! I believe you can have a better life. If you can’t believe it for yourself right now, that’s ok. I can believe for you for a little while.

3. Give a realistic thought-shift:

The brain doesn’t believe bullshit. It won’t believe, “Oh come now. This is your calling. You were born for this. It’s a magical profession and you love it.”

Here’s what I said instead, Yes, I believe you can have the life you want. We can change your mindset, which means you can change your life. I never think a situation is hopeless.

It just FEELS like it in the middle of it.

There are SHITTY situations. Not hopeless situations.

She responded that the shift in mindset from hopeless to shitty was helpful. (And funny.)

And here’s why: a shitty situation feels more temporary. It feels like we can gain control over it.

When we tell ourselves that something is HOPELESS, we set ourselves up for paralysis. HOPELESS is a big & heavy word.

Take it out of your vocabulary.

And a helpful bridge thought might be, “This feels overwhelming right now.”

Or, “This feels awful right now.”

Help your brain to make it temporary, and know that you’re doing something to move forward!

What’s the word/phrase that you’d like to shift away from this week?

This work feels hard. I know. You might need someone next to you to reach out to. Respond to this email & tell me what’s going on. I’d be happy to offer support!

Xo, Jen

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