“It was a little ridiculous & narcissistic…”
The truth was, she had no idea what she wanted.
She’d trained herself to put everyone else’s needs first…
Soooooooo, she never quite knew if something she wanted was truly something SHE wanted -
or to make someone ELSE happy.
Welcome to the mind of the People Pleaser : hyper-aware of situations & relationships - & how they influence them.
…Always one step ahead to take care of the people around them.
…Putting what OTHERS need before their OWN - because that would be selfish!
Why is this lovely quality a problem?
Because it becomes such a default that you don’t even know what YOU want anymore.
Turns out it’s a very depleting habit.
You wonder, “Am I doing this because I want it? Or ‘cuz it’ll make this other person happy?”
You fall off the list. Never take action on what YOU want because…
- Everyone else has so many needs - there’s not enough time for yours.
AND ALSO
- You don't even know what your needs are anymore!
People Pleasing makes us feel safe, worthy, & lovable.
If you can predict someone’s needs, you’re indispensable. They will see the value in you! OBV!!
You get proud of your skill - it’s a hit of adrenaline!
Putting out other people’s fires becomes so ingrained that you stop noticing you’re doing it.
Until one day you’re resentful. Or angry. Or exhausted. Or depleted.
Or all of them!
How do you stop this habit? Notice:
- Where your energy is going.
- Whether you can answer: What do I LOVE to do? What fills me up? What depletes me?
Can you answer those questions?
One People Pleaser let me into her brain:
“I was constantly in SAVIOR mode.
If I wasn’t there to save everyone, they won’t survive! Or that everything I’m doing will disappoint someone.
Frankly, it gets a little ridiculous & narcissistic.”
She realized, “It was manipulative - a way to control the world around me - create order out of chaos.
It doesn’t serve anyone - deciding what should happen, and MAKING it happen because it’s how YOU think it should go - it’s actually quite selfish!”
She realized she took away the opportunity for someone to help themselves! OR to learn the skill of asking for help!
Can we change this habit?
When moving away from people pleasing into nurturing, we must create strong boundaries.
Ask: “Am I trying to solve for someone else in order to alleviate my anxiety? Am I trying to get someone to like me?”
Are you letting your fear of being inadequate keep you from going to get your dream?
Do you even know what your dream IS anymore?
What do YOU want?
It’s not easy work - but it’s WORTH it. You need awareness, support, and KINDESS to yourself.
YOU deserve to become more of who YOU are.
And you can’t get your own needs met if you’re always taking care of everyone else’s emotions.
If you’ve decided this is the summer you’re going to take care of YOUR needs - and you have a goal you want to achieve, then my
SUMMER ACCOUNTABILITY ACCELERATOR is the perfect vehicle for you!
You get to focus on you for 15-minute little chunks each week!
Take care of you AND take care of THEM!
This 90 Day Program includes
- Private coaching & accountability.
- Only 5 spots available.
- Start & stop time: June 24 - Sept 16th.
Xo, Jen
PS: Put yourself on the list this summer with a 90-Day private coaching program done in 15 minute increments! The Summer Accountability Accelerator is perfect if you’re trying to get yourself back on the list (and still take care of everything else you love!)
PPS: Listen to the podcast interview with self-proclaimed Recovering People Pleaser Leslie Smith - and hear her whole story & how she changed her world around. If she can do it, SO CAN YOU!
