You don't deserve that reset button
I lay in bed at 9:30pm as Jack, 10-years-old, waltzes into my room and looks at me with…
Judgment. Sadness and…Concern – but for what?
Hands on his skinny hips, he demands, “Why aren’t you two talking to each other?”
Phone in hand, I am scrolling Facebook. I look over at John, lying next to me, doing the same thing – but on Twitter.
“You guys LOVE each other. You should be TALKING to each other!”
Hmph.
Well, excuse me very much. But I’m EXHAUSTED! I’m TIRED of talking. I talk all damn day! Can I please just have five minutes to myself?
And PS I talked to you all evening, Mr. Chatterbox. Thankyouverymuch.
I look at the clock – I’ve been scrolling, liking, commenting, sharing, & reading for 60 minutes.
One hour! Wasted. And the only reason I stop is because my 10-year-old called me out on my nonsense.
I am avoiding…something. There’s a giant list, of course, of things to avoid.
This is called Buffering. A way to hide from things. I tell myself I deserve it. Need it.
“It’s my reset button,” I lie. Buffering makes er’rything better. Doesn’t it?
Here’s the thing: I totally deserve to get filled up, recharge, check out, & spend time doing things I love.
Do I love scrolling Facebook? Is that how I want to spend 60 precious minutes?
What about reading that book on my bedside table? {Been there 5 months.}
Or curling up next to my hubs – and NOT talk? Or taking a few breaths by myself, quietly?
Or writing that article I’ve been dying to get out of my brain?
IS scrolling filling me up!? You know the answer. Hell. No.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Well, we’re whipped. We check out of real life for a while because, hell, real life is hard.
Ultimately, buffering repeatedly does not make life easier. Does not serve us. It KEEPS us stuck – away from the very things we want!
Is THAT what I deserve? What I need?
Here’s a tool I use with my college students that gets them REAL aware of time expenditures in the Buffering Zone.
Step 1: Establish what your buffering drug of choice is. (Eating/Drinking? Shopping? Exercising? Videogames? Bingeing TV?) Be honest. I’m not judging.
Step 2: Notice how much time you actually spend doing this activity. (One dude spent 70 hours playing video games in one week. Yes. SEVENTY.)
Step 3: Ask yourself 2 questions:
- Does this activity give me the energy I’m desperate for?
- How do I feel when I’m done?
Do you like your answer? AWESOME! You do not have a buffering problem. But if you – like me – answered something like…
- Ashamed
- Tired
- Resentful
- Angry
- Disappointed
then it’s time to evaluate what you’re doing & why!
Don’t get all judgy! Instead get curious about yourself. Simply ask, “How do I want to feel?”
And then, “What activity will make me feel THAT?”
Don’t get cranky about this. I’m not taking away your favorite toy. I mean, are you getting where you want to go?!
If not, and you want some help, check out my workshop. Make Friends With Time: Master Your Schedule Without Losing Your Mind.
I’ll delve into all this stuff – plus many more aspects of mastering time – in this useful workshop!
Register & learn to make a few simple shifts. You don’t need a life overhaul! Or a new planner.
And you don’t need anyone else to change!
You just need some new thoughts about time… Let me show you how – I live for this stuff!
